1

Listen

Make sure you fully understand the issues the other party is raising. Ask questions such as "Can you clarify......"  "Tell me more....."  and summarise what you think the main points are.

By doing this you will 1) get more understanding of what the issues are; 2) give confidence to the other party you are trying to get to what is going on; 3) help defuse any tension by getting behind the original position.

Consistent feedback I get as a mediator is "this is the first time anyone has listened to me"

2

Time

When things are getting hot in a dispute, take time to defuse the heat! You will almost certainly know of the cliche "never respond immediately to the abusive/irritating email straightaway "- wait for a calmer response. (As a mediator I have found that rude and explosive email chains create appalling difficulties for the parties).

In a face-to-face conflict or dispute, say "I need to check this out with my managers/team/accountant". (NEVER your legal people - that just escalates things). This buys you time to think about what to do.

Or try asking for a time-out, or be quite open and say "I need a bit of time to think this through"

BUT - always come back to the party; don't use this as a tactic to hope it all goes away or just to wind up the other party!

 

3

Consequences

In a conflict or dispute, you will make your own decisions about how to proceed or the outcome you want.

Your decision will depend on a  variety of factors including how you feel, your sense of grievance,  you want to win, or that the cost of compromise is greater than the cost of going all the way.

But think of the consequences. These include your time, stress (and sometimes distress). cost, effect on your business and family, and of course reputation. 

Conflict and disputes can get into the public domain, especially in legal processes, so do you want to hang your washing, clean or otherwise, out for all to see?

So in your calculation to avoid conflict, work out the consequences and what you are willing to accept.